What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
