I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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