Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
