i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
