Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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