I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
