i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
