If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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