i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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