Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
do herpes really smell.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
