you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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