mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
