Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
