Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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