I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize