Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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