I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If I die, sorry about rent.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
