Who wears a wallet chain?!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
