I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
