you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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