Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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