I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
