the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
