Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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