if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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