my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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