So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She announced her abortion via fbk
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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