Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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