i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
