its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
