Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
