Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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