Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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