I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
