first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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