You're so nebulous sometimes
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
