Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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