I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think I won the penis lottery.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
