I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
