this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
How's work?
Spinning.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
