I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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