I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize