I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
