This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
