Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Mom said you looked used
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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