drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
