Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
