I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I think my moral compass just broke
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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