but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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