you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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