I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
