I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
