I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I smell stomach acid.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
