Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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