my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize