How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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