In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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