I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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