I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
