I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
