dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
