Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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