there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize