I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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