90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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