check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize