Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Houston, we have a squirter
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
