Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
