You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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