My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
