franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
