I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
