I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
